doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
