dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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