there's paper in my vomit.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
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