My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
