I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
