well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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