The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i now understand why vodka
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
