HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
