I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
