So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
