remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
