She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.