he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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