Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
