It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
