We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
