I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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