that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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