All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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