TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
