So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
