Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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