I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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