I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
