conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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