He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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