and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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