capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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