i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The best revenge is premature balding
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need Xanax blowdarts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
