How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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