Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
