I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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