you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
