her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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