Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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