the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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