I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize