I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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