Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
