I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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