then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize