She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
