so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
