You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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