im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
