You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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