yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
