I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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