Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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