did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
