i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
