FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
