the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i think i just lost a toe
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
