..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
