Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
