I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
