You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
