i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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