I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
