My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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