Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
