we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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