ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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