I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
