Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
