thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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