i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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