id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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